


And now he's gone.

by Iwilldieoffeelsanditwillbeglorious



Category: Captain America (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, DO NOT READ!!, Depends how you read it, F/M, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Post-Endgame, They can be gay if u want, are they gay?, endgame spoilers, pre-Spiderman ffh, story mainly focused on those two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-17 05:21:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20615651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwilldieoffeelsanditwillbeglorious/pseuds/Iwilldieoffeelsanditwillbeglorious
Summary: Steve was gone, and Bucky couldn't cope. Things are only made worse when Bucky finds out what Steve gave him.





	1. Chapter 1

He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. He was gone, after all this time, he was really gone… 

Bucky had just gotten back to his flat… from Steve’s funeral. His funeral. Bucky let out a strangled sob, and his eyes burned. Stop, He told himself, You’ve done enough of that. He’d needed to leave the funeral early- hearing all these people talk about Steve, in the past tense, was just too much. Bucky had really wanted to stay to the end, but just couldn’t stomach it, because

Steve

was

gone.

His throat began to burn, and he could feel the tears coming back again. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want his chest to contract and have his lungs rip out of his chest for air. He didn’t want to sob, alone, in his dreary old apartment on his broken mattress. He didn’t want to have painful memories flood into his mind, and tears flood into his eyes. 

He didn’t want to remember, because if he remembered, then he would know that it was the last time it would ever happen. But he couldn’t stop it, the memories swarmed him, like sharks on bait. 

Him and Steve would never go and get ice cream again.

He would never get to hug him again.

He would never get to make it up to Steve for what he did as the Winter Soldier. 

He would never see that bright smile that would light up every room it walked into again, because

Steve.Was.Dead.

Gone.

Bucky let the paper bag fall from his shaking hand onto the counter and fell onto his bed. He didn’t have the energy to get changed, nor could he care. He couldn’t care to think about anything, when there was only one thing on his mind.

Steve.

Not for the first time, Bucky cried himself to sleep,

And he didn’t think it would be the last.


	2. The funeral

*Two hours prior*

Bucky walked down the isle of the church, the air suffocated in silence. He had the coffin on his right shoulder, but he didn’t think it should be this heavy. Sam was holding the left corner at the front carrying it, Clint was behind Sam, and Steve’s god-son behind Bucky himself. Eddie, was it? Bucky didn’t care. That was part of Steve’s new life, and he’d made it clear he didn’t want them part of that. 

The four of them carried the coffin, Steve’s coffin, up to the front. 

He looked around the room and saw some familiar faces. Dr. Hulk (Bucky didn’t know what he preferred to be called) was sat on the front row. Apparently he was meant to be carrying the coffin instead of Clint, but he couldn’t because of his size. 

He also saw Spiderman, who he now knew as Peter Parker. Peter made eye contact him and nodded, so Bucky nodded back. On his left was a middle aged woman with chestnut coloured hair and glasses (probably his family member or something), and on his right was a young girl called Morgan. Stark’s kid. She looked like him, but Bucky didn’t know why she was there- apparently kids don’t understand death and stuff.

But then he saw Pepper. Of course Pepper was there. She was Tony’s wife and had worked with the Avengers for years. 

It dawned on Bucky then how much they had lost in the fight against Thanos. 

Tony was dead, Nat was dead, Thor was now off-world, Clint had retired, Mr.Hulk was doing his own thing, and Steve…

Well that’s why he was there, wasn’t it? Why all of these people were here. 

He also saw other people there; Happy, Rhodey, Wanda, among others. Bucky didn’t care.

The four of them reached the front and set down the coffin, next to it a picture of a happy, young Steve. Bucky recognised it. The two of them had been at some convention thing, and Steve had just been roughed up by some guys that were harassing a woman. Bucky and Steve had gotten rid of them, and then had a few drinks to celebrate. He looked so happy, so full of life.

God, Bucky missed him. 

He took his seat at the front, and a man in a white robe came up to the front and started to speak. 

“First of all, I would like to thank you all for coming. We are here today to commemorate the memory of Steven Grant Rogers. Although this may be hard, I believe that Steve is in a good place. Sorry, I know Steve is in a great place because he was a hardworking, honest man.”.

Someone sniffled. The man continued,

“Steven Grant Rogers, born in Brooklyn on July 4th,1918. He was a soldier, a leader, a father, a husband, and a friend.” Bucky wiped his eyes, and Sam gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder. Bucky turned to him, but Sam wasn’t looking at him, so Bucky turned his attention to the man again. 

“Steve, knowing his time was short, wrote letters to some people. So, could the following please come and collect their letters. Bruce Banner, Peter Parker, Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Eddie Carter, Clint Barton, Pepper Stark and Wanda Maximoff.”. Bucky stood up shakily, his knees feeling weak. The nine people came to the front, all of them at some stage of crying. 

Bucky quickly grabbed his letter and sat down, knowing that if he stood any longer he would collapse. Not only was the crying sucking the energy out of him, it was keeping him up- He hadn’t slept at all last night. 

The man continued to speak, and Bucky zoned out. He became lost in his thoughts, waves of sorrow spilling over him, until someone said his name.

“-Bucky Barnes, would you like to say a few words?” Bucky looked at him questioningly “Steve had written in his will that he would like you to say a few words, did you not receive a message?” Bucky shook his head.

“Oh, I am so sorry, you don’t have to if you don’t want t-”

“No,” Bucky cut him off, “I would like to give it a go, if that’s ok.” the man nodded.

Bucky walked up to the front and the man moved to the side, and tried to think of what to say.

“Hi everyone, um, I don’t really know what to say…” He looked down, as if the answer would be on the floor, but then something came to mind,

“One of the best things about Steve was that he was the most selfless man I have ever met. Even before the serum, he would be picking fights with bullies, even ones twice his size.” A small chuckle passed through the crowd.

“I remember the night I was going off into the war, and I had to leave Steve. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done, and now I wish I never had, just to have those extra few days.” He sniffed and felt his eyes beginning to burn. No, not here. He had to get out, he couldn’t lose it in front of all these people.

“Sorry, I, um, I-I have to go.” he shoved his hands into his pocket and walked down the middle of the church, the whole time keeping his gaze averted to the floor. He could feel everyone watching him, and he sped up, until he was almost running. He had to get out, he had to, he had to-

Fresh air. Bucky stepped out and almost fell down the stairs in his hurry to leave. He walked swiftly down the pavement, and heard someone yelling behind him.

“Sir! Sir! Wait! I have something for you!” Bucky’s interest was peaked, so he stopped and turned around. 

A small, slightly plump man with blond curly hair was running after him, a small medium-sized paper bag in hand. He caught up to him and took a minute to catch his breath. Bucky just awkwardly stood there, trying not to break into tears on the pavement. 

When the man caught his breath, he stood up straight and spoke,

“Sir, are you ok?” Bucky nodded. No. The man seemed satisfied though and carried on talking,

“Well, I know you and, uh, Steve were close-” Bucky’s chest contracted at the name. “-and he’s left you something in his will.” He shoved the paper bag in Bucky’s direction. 

Bucky starred at the bag for a second, and then took it with shaking hands. “What’s in it?” He said, looking from the bag to the man. 

“Sorry sir, I don’t know. All I know is that it’s for you.” Bucky nodded, and the man gave him a concerned look, “Are you sure you’re ok? Would you like us to arrange a taxi or call someone to take you home?” 

Bucky shook his head, “No, I’m ok, thanks though. I don’t live too far from here.” that was a lie. He live 45 minutes from here. A long walk, but he didn’t want to stay any longer than he had to. If he was moving, he could focus on that. Stood still, his mind would be able to wander…

Bucky shook his head, like he was trying to shake the thoughts away.

“Well, ok,” The man said “I hope your well soon. Sorry for your loss.”.

Sorry for your loss.

Bucky froze as the man turned around to trot back to the church. Bucky began to head home himself, shaken at what the man had said.

Sorry for your loss.

Because he had lost something. He had lost his freaking best friend. Don’t get him wrong, Bucky was close to Sam, but he wasn’t Steve. He could talk to Steve about the war, the train, Hydra, the Winter Soldier, all of it. He trusted Steve, and Steve trusted him back. Steve was also the only one he could completely relax around. If it was just the two of them, completely alone, Bucky could chill out. Otherwise he would be on constant alert for any threats, because that was what he was trained to do. That not-so-distant part of his brain kept telling that ‘You haven’t completed the mission, they’ll hurt you if you don’t.’, but he can always push that away when he’s with Steve. 

Well, not anymore.

Because Steve was gone,

Steve was dead. 

Bucky stopped so suddenly that he nearly fell over. He didn’t think it could hurt anymore than it already did, but apparently he was wrong. It was like he’d been hit by a truck the way reality hit him. Of course he’d already known steve was gone, but he was holding onto the hope that it was all fake, that Steve would jump out and prove him wrong. Bucky had been holding onto that small stand of hope, but now reality really sunk in:

Steve. Was. Gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And off we go! Hope you all enjoyed, feedback is really appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope you enjoyed :D There's going to be at least 2 more chapters, but I need to finish the other fanfic too... sorry I just had a creative moment, but I promise the Spiderman one is not abandoned!
> 
> Feed back loved <3
> 
> PS: I also know this is short, but I wanted to split it into chapters rather than a REALLY long one shot XD


End file.
